Random thoughts

To my father:

Hi Dad. I know it's been a while since I last done this. I just think its weird how time just flies by? Its been 5 years. Your lil bro is married now. I think you would be so proud of him. Grandma Rosebud is still going strong. Something just keep her going. I hope I have all her good genes lol. My lil sis graduated college, and I feel so old lol. I wonder if think of me? Sometimes I wonder if your proud of me? do you miss me? I know things don't always go as planned. Things don't always work out how'd I like and I feel like my life isn't where I thought it would be. I think you were the one who taught me that that's OK. To go with the flow :) and let the music move you.  I know miss you.:( . I still wish I had been a better daughter. I wish we had spent more time together. I know its partially my fault. There was still some anger in me. Me wishing you and mom had gotten married and everything would have been great, but who knows if that would have been true. That didn't happen in my case.  Honestly I don't know if mom could handle it seeing you sick like that. I know it was hard for me. Life hasn't been easy I wish I had you here just to talk to you know when things got really ruff. It got so hard I just didn't know if I was going to pull thru. Some nights I thought I was going to lose my damn mind(maybe I did).  It took a while but the nights got quieter and I got a little less fearful.   Yet things got better. I feel like my life is about to take a new chapter. I'm hopefully moving to a new place and I'm seeing someone again. Funny thing is he reminds me of you. I think he was put into my life for a reason. Just don't know what just yet. I just hope things work out.  I just thought of you randomly today. You granddaddy, grandma the baby too. How is my lil girl? I always thought she was a feel like she was a lil girl. I always picture you and grandpa watchin here up there just like you would if ya'll were here still.  Especially grandma she'd be watchin her like a hawk like she did me lol. She would be 10 now. Is it possible to feel happy and sad all at the same time? I know you guys are happy though up in heaven. Please talk to the big guy upstairs and say a few prayers for me. I need them. Continue to watch over us like I know you have been. I hope I get to see you again one day...I love you guys. random thoughts

Health update #2

well its been about 6 months and we are now in the dead of winter. Hasn't been much of a winter by way of snow and it being 30 and then 50 any other day anywho....so my mysterious illness which I learned isn't MS? I had a brain scan (MRI) and I was so nervous. It took a long time and I tried my best to daydream and not open my eyes while light were all in my face and this loud sound ringing in my ears (even with my ears covered). All that and the tests came back negative. There isn't enough evidence to conclude that its MS as I have no brain scaring, and the pain has gotten more tolerable. I still have nerve issues with my hand especially my left hand which is the hand I write with(sigh). It still feels as if its on pins and needles my right not so much. The Doc is convinced that it has something to do with my weight and sleeping pattern? I would have to have much more testing to see if it indeed MS. All the other symptoms muscle cramps, pain in right foot mysteriously disappeared. I been eating bananas and other fruit and trying to take my multi and D and C pills. Although I'd admit I'm not doing as religiously as I was at first. It seemed to have helped.

Health update

so highlight I'm down 2 pounds

lowlight I'm having muscle spasms left and right...

I've been dealing with this (short tremors)on a small scale for years now never thought bout getting it check out till now...

my feet and left hand are on pins and needs and last week my leg was crampin up so bad I couldn't walk

that has went away somewhat I can walk although it feels weird still. My left hand stills has pins and needles feeling (feels weird typing now) and its really tight in my back, neck and stomach all on my left side (why couldn't it be right? sigh ) I do everything with my left hand. Now my right foot is acting up as well. Not as fast though.

Had blood work done and everything came back normal except my Vit D count was low so I was told to take supplements and was given a prescription for it as well. Hopefully it will help me get my body back. It feels like something has taken hold of me literally and not want to let go. I going to see a neurologist next week. Sounds like I have a lot more tests to take.  If it is what I think it is I'm going to find out and I'm going to stay on top of it. Not gonna let it beat me. 

trying to keep it off

Ok so I brought a Zumba DVD set off of Ebay and I've been trying it out. Not as religiously as I should but I do it a few times a week. I think its help me shed off a few pounds. I'm also half way thru my Weight Watcher's meetings now. I've lost a few pounds but I've gained a few since my last weight in. Sigh. I been trying to quit fried foods and white rice/bread. Eat more fruits and veggies and drink more water. Yet I just don't seem to have the energy or motivation to work out every day, and I've been snacking a lot and I still eat bad stuff (carbs) sometimes. I still having a hard time kicking soda/caffeine to the curb as I feel as if I still need it to get thru my day. Body wise I'm still having issues with my foot and now well since Sunday I having tingling sensations in my fingers and leg as well as my foot (restless leg syndrome?) I've been trying to shake it off to no avail :( . It seems like more excuses so I try to move a lil bit. Maybe I pulled something wrong. Atleast I hope so. Sigh again. So I think another doctor visit is in order.

Welcome

I have started on the weight loss journey and thought I should create a journal to go along with it. Here I will post all my trials and errors with weight loss. Hope to hear from you guys as well! Enjoy!